V: The Hierophant (Reversed)

The sins I made
were all for you.
And in the end I was left
with promises to rue.

At your feet
I offered myself.
Little did I know
it would never be enough.

Oh Hierophant of Dreams,
your throat between my hands.
Never did I dream
your sweet words stood on sand.

Oh Hierophant of Dreams,
oh girl that I once adored.
Never did I dream,
how our love would be soured.

At your feet
I offered all my life
in return,
I was given only strife.

The sins I made
I’ll never forgive myself.
In the end the helped me find
the path to a better self.

X: Wheel of Fortune

Oh great turning of time,
the future I cannot tell.
Tonight she gave me a secret,
but on it I do not dwell.

She is not at fault,
her heart is too true.
I am afraid she saw in it
a too certain doom.

She does not know my story
only the tiniest sliver.
For I am afraid to see the rest
would cause her to shiver.

Oh Wheel of Fortune
upon which this Fool is lashed.
This was not the secret upon which
my hopes can be dashed.


Starting today, I’m pulling a card from the Tarot every day to incorporate into my poetry.

Distance

There is distance in your eyes,
I know the look so well.
Memories of the past,
stories you only half tell.
 
The warmth of your sweet form,
nuzzled against mine.
You may doubt my patience,
but you are worth the time.
 
I know there’s more to your story,
though you grasp it oh so tight.
Don’t think less of me,
but for more I will not fight.
 
You unfold like a flower, each petal
more beautiful than the one before.
I will take what you give me,
and not one bit more.

Five Hundred Days

For five hundred days,
I was yours.
Though you doubted,
I always knew the score.

This is not goodbye,
but instead a prayer
in memory of tender kisses,
upon your golden hair.

I knew he was next,
but I still held out hope.
Until on your father’s name,
I could not help but choke.

This is not goodbye,
for I said that long ago.
You could not hear me,
until I was gone.

You played me for a fool,
so sure from your place above.
But never as much of one you thought of me,
just a man in love.

This is not goodbye,
though we’ll never speak again.
This is a prayer you are well,
one I’ll never end.

You were not the one,
and neither was I.
And that is a regret
I will carry til I die.

This is not goodbye,
I only wish you well.
But in those five hundred days,
I can no longer dwell.

You might think I changed.
but you never saw me true.
She sees me as truly I am,
with love in eyes so blue.

Sunshine

I call her Sunshine
for to me that’s what she is.
Though storm-clouds may obscure her,
my love they do not dim.

In the darkness of summer,
I gave in to despair.
On the turning of autumn,
she arrived with jewel toned hair.

She’s shown me her own darkness,
glittering in the nighttime sky.
She’s seen the shape of mine,
and still holds my hand so tight.

I do not know where this road leads,
or how our story ends.
I just know my Sunshine guides me,
through these unknown wends.

I do not know where this road leads,
and find I do not care.
I am glad to bask in Sunshine,
for as long as she is there.

A Quiet Love

Our love was so loud
Cries of passion and rage
And the memories of it
Ring till the end of my days

Your hands so small
Your heart so fierce
I could not help but fall
From such lofty perch

Their hair so wild
Their voice so true
I could not help but fall
But not as with you

It’s a quiet love
With peaceful days
Yet I’ll always remember
The price I paid

This Small Apartment

I came back to this small apartment, and the ghosts clung to the walls. Memories of love,
memories of anger,
memories of us.
A thick layer of regret on every surface.

I cut myself on the jagged shards of our traumas we both shoved carelessly into the corners of that place where years of unspoken yearning was finally realized.

I could find no wound.
Yet, I bled
and bled.

I feared the power of those ghosts in those first days after the end.
I raged against them in the months that followed.

Finally, finally, I exhausted tears and rage.
I spoke with those ghosts, in quiet tones as I began to make my peace.
I learned to love them and saw they loved me back.

Ours was not a love story, yet it was filled with love.
Ours was not a tragedy, yet it was filled with tears.

I hope you hate me, because I know it will be easier for you.
I don’t have that luxury.

I will never be able to forget you, little one. I will carry you and the love we shared with me until the day I die like a scar from  navel to clavicle.

You will always be my greatest regret.
You will always be the mistake I had to make,
yet never forgive myself for making.

Thank you for your love.
Thank you for your rage.
Thank you for showing me who I really was.
Thank you for teaching me my limits, at last.